days blend into nights and
the nights blends into days

and nights are lonely, so very lonely
and I carry that loneliness into the day

emotions have become volatile
i experience patches of happiness
and then lengthy stretches of sorrow
leaving nothing but emptiness for tomorrow

work has became a faceless entity
it doesn’t matter what the hour brings
the code, the crowd, the career, the chore
it all tastes the same as it did before

my phones keeps buzzing every 15 minutes
assignments, deadlines, emails, DMs
dozens of messages that need my attention
so I run away and plug my ears

talking to people feels like a chore
I’d rather stay in a cold locked room
but the walls eventually start to speak
telling me I’m the one who made the floorbaord creak

“It’s all your fault”, the silence insists
and I offer no fight, I offer not fists.
I wait for a ghost, a savior, a friend
to reach through the mess and bring it to an end

but that never happened, it never happens
fix it thyself, fix it thyself
a voice calls from within

I call it burnout to soften the blow
but these are just habits, starting to grow
habits that formed because I was miserable
and habits that stay to make me more miserable

and when the storm settles down for a bit
I become skeptical, as if something
something is not quite right
how and why am I feeling kinda okay!?

and I ask myself
when will it my turn to be okay?
I wanna smile like the strangers on the street
I wanna be excited for tomorrow
I wanna be …
I wanna be okay